July 21st, 2004

I'm in Chicago now. I rolled in at about 9pm last night. That was probably one of the dumbest things I've done... not coming to Chicago, but coming when I did. You see, I started packing Sunday night, and by night I mean I started packing around 4am Monday morning. I usually go to bed around 8am, after the sun comes up, so this isn't an oddity. But when I got done packing and cleaning and doing everything I needed to do back in Buffalo, it was already 10:30am, way past my bedtime. On the other hand, I was ready to go, and if I stuck around any longer I might of come up with an excuse not to go, so after going to the bank and post office, I started driving to Chicago. I was fine for the first hour or so, but then I had to start playing all sorts of games to keep myself awake. This, mind you, would normally be an eight hour drive if I took the interstate the whole way, but I'm cheap and I wanted to take state routes. I went about 70 miles on state routes before I realized that that way would take way too long, and I would pass out real soon, so I hopped on the 90 the next chance I had. This was just outside of Erie, PA. I got about another 50 miles when I found myself really fighting to stay awake. I got off the exit and parked in a park and ride. I slept for about a half hour because; one, it's not comfortable at all in the cab of my truck, two, it was hot, and three, I really needed to pee. That third one is the result of the stay awake game where you drink as much water as possible (or other liquid if you have it) where the intention is that the very act of drinking keeps you awake, and then the dire need to pee is also motivation not to sleep. But anyway, I felt refreshed after my power nap... but not for too long. This story can drag on for the next 6 hours about the struggle between wakefulness and sleep, but I made it here fine, played some four square upon arrival with Neil, Courtney, and Coleen, and even caught some BBC news before finally passing out around midnight. So now I'm on an almost normal schedule. Well, I don't see that lasting since it's already after 2am, and I'm not tired yet.

yeah, so I'm staying with the Schmeel (who's sleeping now), and will visit a few more peeps while I'm here, but I keep having to tell myself that this is a business trip. I'm here to sell my shit... but I just don't know to whom. I've emailed some local clubs about booking me, but I haven't received any replies yet. My art portfolio is a little outdated, so I can't sell that portion of my ass, but I can definitely work on the music while I'm here. I need to check out some local shows, meet some people, and network, that's what it's all about. It's just a shame that I suck at that game. I'm not very extroverted, but I will talk to people if I'm approached first, I have trouble initiating conversations... especially small talk, I hate small talk. I love getting into debates with strangers, or philosophying, or just being a smart ass. I never feel like I can be myself with new people... that's a problem, I know. Other than that, I don't really have any plans for my time here, and I was hoping to stay about a week. I've got my usual business I can take care of- working on this site, writing music, playing, drawing, researching venues, and the like. I think I would have an easier time with this marketing game if it weren't my own ass I was peddling because I don't like talking about myself that much, or at least, not about my work. It always feels like I'm bragging, but you don't really want to tell people that you're just an alright player, you should tell them that your shit is awesome, because nobody's gonna hire someone who doesn't believe in their own work. Let's face it, modesty is only effective after people already know your work. But when introducing your work, modesty seems like insecurity and weekness. After the fact, after people recognize your greatness, and you tell them that you've still got a lot to learn, then it's seen as respectable modesty. So now that I'm in a new town and I only know a few people, I have to tell everyone I meet that I'm awesome... and then prove it.