September 29th, 2004

I should write more. That's the conclusion I came to yesterday after it dawned on me that I'm starting to get bored with music. No, I'm not giving it up, but I need to do something to spark new ideas, a new medium in which to transfer aggressions and to feed the senses. The written word is powerful enough to evoke visions and melodies when it is merely the arranging and stringing together combinations of only 26 different symbals. On their own, they mean nothing besides themselves; A is A, B is B; or the sound that is attributed to that symbal. But start putting them together, and the possibilities are endless. It may be true that a picture is worth a thousand words, but a thousand words elicits an infinite number of pictures. Words are subjective in that sense, and no matter how descriptive you get, everyone will paint the scene differently in their mind.

Then there is the issue of story. Beyond being a sequence of symbals to make words and then sentences and so on, these sentences describe a sequence of events. A good storyteller would not only relay these events, but make you feel like you've lived them yourself, directed vicariousness. So not only is the story weaver appealing to your senses like painters and musicians, but he gets into something deeper, yet still universal. I'm reminded of the theme song from "Reading Rainbow"; "I can go anywhere... I can be anything..." Compared to someone who's main talent is to transform gobs of paint to look like anything, transforming people seems like a bigger talent.

So just like that, I want to become a writer. Before yesterday, I had tons of great ideas that would make interesting stories, but today, nothing. I sat down to write, and was doing fairly well with the simple act of getting words and ideas down, but I couldn't stand any of it, so it's gone now. It's the same thing with art and music for me, if I sit down in front of a canvas with the intention of creating a painting, I'm stuck, and if I sit down in front of my composition book to write a song, nothing. But if I just sit down to paint, eventually a painting will happen, and when I sit down to play guitar, I'll inevitably create a new song. There it is, then, I'm just going to have to start writing until a story happens. Just like paintings and music, I can edit it later. I've been starving something creative to do that 1.) won't wake people up late at night 2.) doesn't require a lot of space 3.) I can do anywhere 4.) doesn't have toxic fumes 5.) doesn't require big or expensive tools that I don't have 6.) is still powerful. And yes, writing can be more revolutionary than most media. You can have the worst idea, say the extermination of an entire race of people, but if you put a powerful story behind it, people will believe in your idea.

Let's look at current events for an example. There was an interesting story about how Sadaam Hussein sponsored terrorism, had horrific weapons that he intended to use on Americans, and who was simply crazy and uncaring enough to slaughter his own people. This story was repeated and repeated with greater emotional fervor, relying on the fear that people harbored about the "attacks" of 9/11, and was used to carry out an even bigger agenda than just deposing a dictator that we don't like anymore. It's not at all about liberating an oppressed people, or even for the oil. This was the first step in global domination. Let's look at those accusations... sponsoring terrorism, I believe that the US created the taliban and al qaeda as well as funded the coup in Haiti, and several other "terrorist organizations". I also believe we are the ones with the largest stockpile of nuclear and non-nuclear arms on the planet, if not the universe, and we have used them on people of several nations, including America. And the slaughtering of his own people... well, the kurdish uprising was hardly his own people when we gave him the gas to kill them, Iraq is a nation that was arbitrarily drawn by the British, comprised of territories from three ethnic groups that never got along with each other in the first place. Sadaam has been the only dictator who has managed to keep some semblance of peace throughout a nation ripe for civil war. Not only that, but the US kills its own people quite regularly, and not just in federal penitentiaries. There was the Waco incident, the Michigan militia, and enough evidence supports the fact that our government blew up the Alfred P. Murrah federal building in Oklahoma City, FDR allowed Japan to attack us at Pearl Harbor, the CIA was planning strikes on the capitol building and other sites around the country to blame on Cuba (released in the Northwoods documents during Kennedy's reign), the CIA was behind the first attack on the WTC, and most of the evidence that was allowed to be gathered points in their direction yet again for the 9/11 attacks. But, having a good story, however unbelievable, allowed our government to do whatever it wanted. So that's why I'm getting into the story writing business, so that I can compete in the global domination game. I would like to serve my own needs while telling you that I'm serving yours so that we both end up happy, even if yours is a happiness based in artifice.

Besides deciding that I'm going to write more, I just got back from San Diego last night. I spent two weeks hanging with Jesco, or at least in her house while she worked. That was nice and relaxing. I got to read a lot while I was there, so that helped to get me in the writing mood. I finished reading; "Catch 22" by Joseph Heller, "Bluebeard" "Mother Night" "Sirens of Titan" and "Player Piano" all by Kurt Vonnegut. I've only got a few Vonnegut novels left to read before I can say that I've read them all. We almost finished "God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian" while waiting in Barnes & Noble for "Garden State" to start playing at the theatre across the street, so I've only got ten more pages to read before I call that one finished. We also went camping, spent some time with her family in Palmdale, went to the $1 theatres to see "Terminal", ate good food, made a pie, went to the beach, and did a whole lotta used book store shopping. Jesco's got an Agatha Christie fetish, and is only a few books shy of having everything she's ever written. I also got her started on a Vonnegut collection. I picked up some great literature myself, including "The Naked Ape" by Desmond Morris, a few by Dostoyevsky, a couple Vonneguts, Stephan Hawking, Al Franken, and H.G. Wells. I shant be bored for a while now. It's amazing what some good books would do to you. Before I discovered Vonnegut, I hated reading works of fiction, but he seems to have a firmer grasp on the meaning of the human condition than anyone else. There was one insight from "God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian" that I found very revealing, and hit home quite hard. That spoke of a couple who loves each other very much can still have seem heated arguments, but the core of those arguments is usually, "You're not enough people". It's true that I usually expect too much out of everybody I meet, especially relationship partners, and want them to enjoy everything I enjoy. That's why everybody should have at least a few friends.

Now it's time again to look for a job. For now, I just want a temporary job to get me back on the grid for a little while while I scout out for something better. I'm also going to attend the housing auction at the end of October in hopes of finding some cheap property. I'm still going to play and write music, and hopefully still paint, while I also develop my writing skills. Gone.